A picture of something you wish you could forget
Yikes...this is a tough one...there are a lot of things I wish I could forget...
Times that people who were my friends or people I trusted hurt me, I mean really hurt me and kinda messed me up when it came to trusting anyone for a while...
Choices I have made about my faith, like getting mad at God for things that were going on in my life, when in fact that was one of the dumbest decisions ever...God isn't the one to get mad at for bad things going on...
Family drama...we all have it...there are just some things that we all wish we could forget...arguments, divorces, affairs, jealousy, being hurt and extremely let down by the people you once looked up to and wanted to be just like one day...
Past relationships...yeah, enough said...
Of course, these events and people are what have made me who I am today. We all have crap in our lives that we would like to forget...but if I forget about all of the things that I mentioned above, I know I would not be the person I am today.
*If those friends hadn't hurt me, I might have been hurt even worse if they had stuck around in my life longer...
*If those people I trusted so much and looked up to hadn't hurt me, I wouldn't have realized that I was entirely too trusting of some people...
*If I didn't have ups and downs in my faith (like we all do) I wouldn't realize just how much I need God in my life, how much I need time with Him daily, and I wouldn't realize the importance of turning to Him and being completely honest and telling Him just how mad/hurt/angry I am...after all, He already knows, what's the point of trying to hide it...
*I love my family, despite our flaws and craziness...yes there has been a lot of pain over the years...my parents divorce, learning more about that as I have gotten older, not having a relationship with my brother like I have longed for, realizing that I am going to be judged a lot for being so different from my family...all of it just makes me rely more on God and remind myself that He has given me this family for a great reason...and while they test me and drive me crazy, I am here to love them just as He does...
*If I had been the person I am now while I was in high school, my dating experiences would have been much different, I think we can all say that. I can't say that I completely regret my past relationships because I learned valuable things from all of them...the most important being that I NEED a man in my life who is more in love with God than He is with me, a man who will encourage me in my faith and not bring me down and mock me for it. I learned how important it is to trust God with bringing me the right guy at the right time, thus practicing on that patience y'all know I need to keep practicing on ;) Zach and I had this conversation last weekend, and I told him that I have the tendency to beat myself up about my past relationships (not that I did anything wrong, just wishing I could go back and be more patient and trusting of God) and he looked at me with quite possibly the sweetest face and said if it hadn't been for them we may have never met...as I am typing this, Blake Shelton's song "God Gave Me You" is on my itunes...I love how God works...
I guess what I am trying to say is while yes I would like to forget a lot of the pain and hurt from my past, it has truly made me who I am today. Do I have it all figured out? Don't make me laugh! I have come to the conclusion that I will never have it all figured out, and I am trying to be okay with that. I have this entire life to figure it out! God has given me the right people at the right times in my life, the strength to make it through everything He throws my way (even though I don't believe it at the time), and He has promised never to leave me and He promised to give me hope and a future. Everything in my life just helps me hold onto God a little more...
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